Titanic on Twitter
by magic-blood
Summary: What if the Edwardian passengers aboard the RMS Titanic were capable of the social networking site twitter? A lot of nonsense. #crack


**Titanic on Twitter**

* * *

Kind of upset since I couldn't use the "at" sign. I had to _italicize_ all twitter names instead. Oh well :/ This is pure crack and rated for naughty language.

* * *

**Caledon Nathan Hockley  
**TheRealCalHockley  
_Got $$$ and you know it. Steel Heir. Deal.  
_Philadelphia USA

**Rose DeWitt Bukater  
**Rose_95  
_Art lover. Famous actress in the making. "Everywhere I go I find that a poet has been there before me." – Freud  
_Southampton, England

**Jack Dawson  
**Jack_Dawson  
_Portrait artist. Naked French girls, where you at?  
_Under a bridge

**Ruth DeWitt Bukater  
**Ruth_DB  
_Fml.  
_Where ever you wish you were… you poor person.

**Spicer Lovejoy  
**Spicybaby  
_Former Pinkerton's detective. Right hand man to my bf Cal. Do you need some assistance leaving my presence?  
_Behind you… boo.

**Fabrizio De Rossi  
**Fabri_DeRossi  
_Guido 4 life.  
_Not Italy

* * *

**Jack:** Just freakin won tickets on the #RMSTitanc YES! #winning

**Fabrizio:** _Jack_Dawson_ I go to America! #goodbyebtchezzz

**Rose:** Should I wear this dress or the one the one with the stripes? #helpplz (Twitter picture)

**Rose:** Screw this. #BoardingInJustMyUnderwear

**Cal:** _Rose_95_ I wouldn't mind that, sweet pea ;)

**Rose:** _TheRealCalHockley_ Since when did you follow me… how did u even know I had a twitter account?

**Cal:** _Rose_95_ I had _Spicybaby_ search ur history (heart)

_Rose is now following TheRealCalHockley_

**Rose:** _TheRealCalHockley_ Why the hell does ur handle have 'the real' in front of it?

**Cal:** _Rose_95_ Because some smartass took the name CalHockley and just tweets about how dumb I am :(

**Rose:** _TheRealCalHockley_ Whatever. It's time to go. #leggo

_#TitanicMaidenVoyage is trending_

**Cal:** RT _RMSTitanic_: RT to win a free life vest! We have plentyyy.

**Ruth:** Driving to Titanic with_ Spicybaby_ #fml

**Lovejoy:** You do know I follow you, right? _Ruth_DB_ #rude

**Cal:** Sweet. Ten minutes on this thing and I have 50+ followers. #swag

**Rose:** _TheRealCalHockley_ you have three followers. Including me. And _Ruth_DB_. And _Spicybaby_. That handle beyond disturbs me btw.

**Cal:** Oh look! I can see Titanic! _everyone_

**Rose:** _TheRealCalHockley_ -_-

**Ruth:** Getting on now #joy #jk #fml

**Jack:** We're the luckiest sons of bitchzz n the world! _Fabri_DeRossi_

**Cal:** Just posted a new pic on instagram xx

_Picture: Cal making the duck face next to an unamused Rose. Titanic is in the background._

_#GodSpeedTitanic is trending_

**Fabrizio:** _Jack_Dawson _I see the statue of liberty #ItsJustReallySmallLol

**Rose:** RT _EmoQuotesAreEmo_: "No 1 understands what ur going thru. But you." – unknown

**Ruth: **RT _BruceIsmay_: This ship is UNKSINKABLE. The name Titanic was chosen to convey her enormous SIZE!

**Rose:** _BruceIsmay_ penis.

**Bruce Ismay:** _SigmundFreud_ You on this ship? RT for a "yes." #confusedlol

**Jack:** RT _TommyRyanisIrish_: Typical. First class dogs come down here 2 take a shite.

**Cal:** Has any1 seen my fiancé? #TimeToBuyThatLeash xD

**Rose: **Killing myself now #notkidding

**Ruth:**_ Rose_95_ Don't be out too late, dear.

**Jack:** Just saved some chick's life and being accused of rape #awesome #not

**Cal:** Omg this little steerage bitch.

**Rose:** _Jack_Dawson_ Follow me?

**Jack:** _Rose_95_ Sure. See ya tomorrow. Meet me on third class deck?

_Jack is now following Rose_95_

**Rose:** _Jack_Dawson_ All right, Mr. Dawson.

_Rose is now Following Jack_Dawson_

**Cal:** I am looking forward to dinner tomorrow _Jack_Dawson Rose_95_

_Cal is now following Jack_Dawson_

_Lovejoy is now literally following Jack_Dawson_

**Cal:** Just gave my fiancé the present. #SheLovesItOfCourse

**Rose:** I think I saw classier jewelry on the collar of a dog. #puhhlease

**Cal: **I WON A FREE LIFE VEST! #TimeToThrowItOverBoard #UnsinkableShipDuh

**Molly Brown:** Dis ship cray! #yeeehaw

**Ruth:** _UnsinkableBrownAwwwYeahhh_ Pleasure to meet you today -_-

**Molly Brown:** _Ruth_DB_ #rude

**Ruth:** _UnsinkableBrownAwwwYeahhh_ #newmoney

**Rose:** Spitting like a man w/ _Jack_Dawson_! :D #DidNotLearnThis #InFinishingSchool

**Jack:** You still kinda spit like a girl _Rose_95_ Work on that a bit more lol.

**Thomas Andrews:** RT _Jack_Dawson_: To making it count! – Very well said tonight, Jack.

**Jack:** _TAndrews_ Thank you, sir.

**Rose:** Funny how some guys think they're commanders of the universe…

**Cal:** _Rose_95 _It's funny how some men DON'T #bahahaha

**Jack:** _Rose_95 _So… do u wanna go to real party?

**Cal:**_ Spicybaby_ Find her…

**Jack:** _Rose_95_ Come Josephine in my flying machine!11! #drunktweet

**Rose:**_ Jack_Dawson_ And it's up she goes UP SHE GOESZZ11!22! #drunkertweet

**Cal:** #lonely :(

**Rose:** _Jack_Dawson_ still smiling after last night :) So much fun! #NowBreakfastWithCal #Ugh

**Cal:** Yup. Just flipped a table. Thor style. #SuckIt #NewGodofThunder

**Ruth:** Another self inflected nose bleed #fml

**Rose:** RT _EmoQuotesAreEmo_: "The hardest choices are the ones that hurt the most." – unkown

**Jack:**_ Rose_95_ Heyyy. Wut's up? #lastnightwasGREAT

**Jack:** _Rose_95_ Still practicing those spitting skills? Lol

**Jack:** _Rose_95_ You okay?

**Jack:** _Rose_95_ You can't let them do this to you, Rose! Come on!

**Lovejoy:**_ Jack_Dawson_ Your presence here is no longer appropriate, Mr. Dawson. #Mmmkay #GetUrBrokeAssOuttaHere

**Jack:** _Rose_95_ They've got you trapped and ur gonna DIE if you don't break free. #AndISortaLoveYou #ALot

**Rose:** _Jack_Dawson_ I'm sorry.

**Cal:** Did anyone know that this ship is made with over a thousand tons of _HockleySteel_?

**Ruth:** _TheRealCalHockley_ Oh? Which parts?

**Cal:** _Ruth_DB_ Only the good ones, of course ;)

**Rose:** Why do u 2 always have 2 flirt? #WishIJumped

**Cal:** RT _CalHockley_: I'm gayyy everyone #comingout - OKAY WHO THE HELL IS THIS?

**Cal:** RT_ CalHockley_: That _Jack_Dawson_ is lookin' very very sexayyy 2nite #dayamnboiii

**Cal:** I will find out who u r _CalHockley_ And when I do you'll FULLY regret making a mockery of my name. #Fuckyouuuuuu

**Rose:** You know… screw this. I've changed my mind _Jack_Dawson_. #forgiveme?

**Sigmund Freud: **_Rose_95 _You GO girl #whoot

**Jack:** _Rose_95_ Finally! Let's chill?

**Rose: **_Jack_Dawson_ Come to my suite. Bring your art stuff ;)

**Jack:** Nm about French chicks… #BestNightEver

**Rose:** RT _BestLoveQuotes_: "I believe I can fly. I believe I can touch the sky. I think about it every night and day. Spread my wings and fly away." – R Kelly

**Lovejoy: **_TheRealCalHockley_ I see them! Damn she fast, son. #wheezing

**Cal:**_ Spicybaby_ Damnit Spicer. GET HER. #DramaticEyeBrowMovement

**Lovejoy:**_ TheRealCalHockley_ I lost them. Look, just come to the room. There's something here that you'll want to see. #SpicyOut

**Jack: **Ummmm #score

**Rose:** Incase you were wondering _TheRealCalHockley_ it's completely over between us.

**Cal: **_Rose_95_ YOU ARE ACTING COMPLETELY UNACCEPTABLE.

**Rose: **_TheRealCalHockley_ (Twitter Picture)

**Cal: **_Rose_95_ AHHHHHHHdfkdlfjdskfjqaijsj #CanNeverUnSeeThat

**Ismay:** RT _TAndrews_: May or may not have just hit an iceberg. – So What? When will we get underway?

**Andrews:** _BruceIsmay_ This doesn't look good.

**Ismay:** _TAndrews_ But this ship can't sink!

**Jack: **Going to inform_ TheRealCalHockley_ and _Rose_95_'s mom about the berg. #KillMeNow

_#IcebergStruckByTitanic is now trending_

**Rose: **RT _EmoQuotesAreEmo:_ "You think you know somebody, until they do something you didn't know they would do." – Justin Bieber

**Jack:** This is really not my freakin' week.

**Cal: **Mwahahaha #MoreEyebrowAction

**Rose: **#ReallyWishIJumped #ScrewUCal

**RMS Titanic:** To all passengers: Put on your life vests and await further instruction. #ButItsJustaDrill #SoDontWorry

**Cal:** _RMSTitanic_ This is ridiculous.

**Rose:** RT _TAndrews_: In an hour or so… all this will be at the bottom of the Atlantic.

**Jack:** #HandcuffedToPole #Perfect

**Cal:** "Not the better half." - me #ISlayMyself

**Rose:** Thanks for those spitting lessons _Jack_Dawson_ Cal should find they came in handy.

**Cal:** Ew.

**Rose:**_ TAndrews_ Message me directions to where they'd keep a man who's under arrest. #nowplz

**Jack:** OH SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! #SHIT

**Cal:** _Spicybaby_ Find _Rose_95_ I'll look for a boat that's letting on men.

**Rose:** Great service down here #sarcasm #steerageprobs

**Jack:** Running to one of the last boats left. What the actual fuck _RMSTitanic_?

**Lovejoy:** _TheRealCalHockley_ Coming over now. I found her… with him.

**Cal:** _Spicybaby_ We must hurry. It's starting to fall apart.

**Tommy:** _Jack_Dawson_ just sent me and _Fabri_DeRossi_ to find another boat. Best of luck to you_ Rose_95_.

**Cal:** Rose is in the boat. #IAlwaysWin

**Rose:** Wow. Just jumped off a lifeboat feet above the freezing ocean. #YOLO

**Jack:** _Rose_95_ Ur so STUPID! I'm at the grand staircase.

**Cal:** TIME TO GO SERIAL KILLER PSYCHO #RoseIsDeadToMe

**Rose:** That awkward moment when ur fiancé tries to kill you and ur new bf.

**Cal:** I put the coat on her! #SuperPissed

**Ruth:** Sitting next to second class bitches #FirstClassProbs

**Molly Brown:** Here's something you don't see everyday (Twitter picture)

**Rose:** Where I met_ Jack_Dawson_ for the first time. Who could have imaged all of this could happen?

_#NearerMyGodToThee is trending _

**Jack:** Lifeboats. Come back now. #KindOfDyingHere

**Rose:** Goodbye.

**Cal:** Any regrets _Rose_95_? #PerhapsChoosingTheLoser?

**Rose:** _TheRealCalHockley_ You unimaginable bastard. Oh. Want to take a guess who _CalHockley_ was all along?

**Cal:** _Rose_95_ WENCH!

**Jack:** Found another piece of floating debris. #MaybeThisWeekWasntThatBad

**Rose: **In a lifeboat w/ _Jack_Dawson_ #blessed

**Jack:** _Rose_95 _#MoreBlessed

**Cal:**_ Rose_95_ #HopeUrHappyBeingAWhore!

**Rose:** _TheRealCalHockley_ I'd rather be his whore than your wife.

_Rose has unfollowed TheRealCalHockley_

**Jack:** _TheRealCalHockley_ I think there's some ice over there for that burn.

_Jack has unfollowed TheRealCalHockley_

**Cal:** _Rose_95 Jack_Dawson_ #MyHeartWillGoOn Bitches.

_#MyHeartWillGoOn_ _is now trending_

**THE END**


End file.
